Jocelyn
Castañeda
Professor
Martin
English
114B
5
March 2012
Children Need Rules?
When people think of discipline,
they might think harsh restricting rules and spankings when really discipline
simply “…means establishing and adhering to rules of behavior” (“About Raising
Children”). Many times, children hate rules and think restrictions are not
necessary for a healthy life. However, it is quite the opposite. Children need
rules and regulations are essential for a child’s healthy development because
the child will know right from wrong, will grow up to be civilized and will be
prepared for the future and its obstacles, and be able to handle life’s
responsibilities.
First, setting rules for a child
will teach him or her right from wrong and it is important for children to
understand morals so they can comport themselves well in society. Many parents
found
“…the
importance of actively teaching values and basic morals so the children can
comport themselves well in society. Parents found the following methods of
socializing their children useful: assigning household tasks and
responsibilities; religious affiliation; insistence that the children treat
others with kindness; respect and honesty; emphasis on table manners and social
graces in the house; part-time jobs outside of the house when the children are
old enough and setting examples of integrity and honor.” (“About Raising
Children”)
It
is important that children understand that being civilized is important for the
future just like all rules are necessary for the future benefit of them and
those surrounding them. Parents should also explain why morals are important.
We see that even in The Glass Castle
where Jeanette’s’ parents did not enforce many rules upon their children, yet
they still managed to impose manners on them. “’Such good manners,” the
waitress would exclaim, because Mom and Dad made us say. “sir” and. “ma’am”
and. “yes please” and. “thank you’” (66). We see that even in the midst of
their parents not setting any rules for their children, they still managed to
teach them respect and this made them a pleasure when being around other people.
Furthermore, rules that are
restricting and possess consequences are necessary so that the child knows that
those rules are enforced and this way later on they will understand that there
are rules in the outside world and those rules are enforced as well. After all,
what are rules without consequences? When the child does something wrong, parents
must be firm when enforcing consequences. “Be firm saying what you will do and
doing what you have said. Punish them as soon as possible after the bad
behavior. Discipline is an essential preparation for the outside world” (“About
Raising Children”). Parents cannot let the child think they can get away with
bad behavior. We see an example of this in The
Glass Castle when Jeanette speaks against her mother and is punished for
the way she disrespected her. “Dad seemed to be waiting for me to drop my eyes,
to apologize and tell him I was wrong…I expected him to turn and walk away but
there were six stinging blows on the back of my thighs…” (263). We see that she
did not want to apologize so her consequence was a whipping and I’m sure she
learned her lesson after six stinging blows.
Moreover, making rules but also
being lenient with adolescents is useful. As a parent you want your child to
grow up to have a healthy lifestyle. “With adolescents, negotiation is a useful
approach. Once in a while, it is good for the parent and child to adjust to the
rules a little” (“About Raising Children”). Being lenient is mostly helpful
with adolescents because they have a better understanding of rules and can
comply better with them than if they were younger. However, a parent also does
not want to appear as a hovering parent or in other words a “helicopter mom”.
Parents have to set rules, enforce them and be lenient when necessary, but
cannot let the child think that they can mold the rules to their own benefit.
In addition, some rules are age
appropriate and very necessary. For example, imposing rules on curfew is more
for adolescents. A parent would not set this rule for their five year old. Many
times adolescents do not understand the point of curfew but is for the safety
of him or her and for the best interest. I remember when I was in high school,
my parents were pretty lenient with my curfew and let me come home at 11 p.m.
and since I lived down the street from my high school I always thought that
that was pretty early for curfew. However, one day, when a football game ended
early a couple of friends and I were all walking to a fast food restaurant,
when we were pulled over by the police and were lectured on the dangerous of
the streets at those hours and almost got a curfew ticket. I learned that
coming home late not only would disappoint my parents as well as get me in
trouble, but would also be dangerous even if my friends and I were all together
and it was illegal for students to be out late at night.
On the other hand, if parents set too
many rules for their children they will not have a healthy lifestyle and will
not know how to deal with hardships by themselves. “No less important, though,
is that a generation of kids who’ve been overindulged, overprotected, and
generally over-parented seems to be overwhelmingly unprepared to live in the
real world” (McGrath 2). Setting too many rules can reduce their own
independence as well. Many people argue that parents set too many rules and it
is either because times are getting harder with all the current problems or
streets are getting more and more dangerous, more so than the previous
generations.
In addition, being lenient can work on
both ends. The child will learn how to deal with hardships on their own and
will teach them more responsibilities. As for the parents, it sets standards
for their children and encourages them to make goals on their own. “Initially,
children should be given the liberty of deciding minor issues; later the range
of issues can be increased little by little” (“About Raising Children”). It is
good to let children gain insight on issues and chose by themselves so that
later on they will learn how to deal with bigger problems on their own and they
will gain independence along with dealing with their own issues.
Many times parents forget that their
children will grow up to become adults themselves and this may affect how
strict their rules will be towards their children. This often happens to
youngest children and/or only children. But especially as parents, they should
understand that kids grow up just as they did. “Developing realistic
expectations about raising children was also mentioned. It was advised that one
should expect mistakes and recognize that external influences—such as peer
pressure—will increase as the children mature” (“About Raising Children”).
There are many things that parents do not have control over such as external
influences but that is when thinking realistically has to come in.
In brief, setting rules are essential
for a child’s healthy development so they can grow up to be successful people.
They will recognize what is right from wrong. They will learn what it is like
to deal with issues on their own, gain independence, inner strength and
responsibilities as well. Most importantly, they will be well prepared for the
real world. We see that even in The Glass
Castle, the parents imposed few rules and still three of four children grew
up to very successful people with the exception of the youngest child.
Works
Cited
“About Raising Children”
McGrath, Tom. “Bad Parents.” Sept. 2007:1-8
phillymag.com web. 1 February 2012
Walls, Jeanette. The
Glass Castle. New York: Scribner, 2005. Print.
